I don't know what exactly is wrong with me. I have had the most difficult time mustering any energy to write, which I actually enjoy even though no one reads. There have been a lot of things I felt were worthy of my contemplation, but I like to validate my visceral reactions with some modicum of legitimacy and research, and that is were I lose all vitality for this endeavor.
There are plenty of things going on:
- I continue to struggle to build a self sustaining business and this year has been particularly trying.
- I continue to adjust to constantly changing demands of fatherhood.
- I continue to attempt to be a loving husband, but struggle with my inability to provide, what I deem, to be sufficient or even equal wages to our marital endeavor.
- I am excited about the return of football.
- I continue to battle weight, though I hope to be 200lbs by the time I turn 40, I am tired of constantly trying.
- I worry that my life is becoming nothing more than an example of mediocrity, amounting to little.
- I have reached a level of frustration with the state of my State (and even more so my county) than I have ever had before and it is breaking my heart.
- I don't get to fish enough.
- I suck at poker, my other enjoyable hobby.
- I am not reading like I feel I should.
- I feel more isolated and alone than I have in a long time, yet I still meet from time to time people I find incredibly wonderful. I wish I could invest more into those relationships but I can seem to do it.
- I am an introvert by temperament with a need to be public, so I have conflicting needs. I go public and feel drained, but when I recharge I am lonely.
- I am lamenting the lack of critical thought by groups of people that I want most to think critically.
- I am baffled by the stupidity and fear that I hear from people and find it sad that they have to live their lives in fear of progress when progress is inevitable. And if it is not inevitable, I find that to be even more saddening.
- I am tired of getting my head bashed in by 14 year olds when I play Xbox Live.
Anyway, this probably sounds overly negative. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. Maybe the cathartic activity of writing will lead to more posts, a brighter demeanor and extra energy. If I can just find enough to do it to begin with.
I feel you dude...glad you are in my RSS reader !
Posted by: Ken | August 28, 2009 at 03:55 PM